Going in a slightly different direction with my blog-much of the same, but I want to focus more on all the little revelations and roadblocks that come with journeying through one’s mid-twenties.
Today, its about setbacks, which I’ve been grappling with currently. The major one that’s weighing on me is my weight. (Pun…most likely intended.) After seeing progress, the past two weeks, with my move (during which time there was no food in my apartment worth mentioning and still no food really when I moved in, which equals a lot of eating out) and the 4th of July holiday ( in which I partied it up with an old friend from college) and a complete lack of working out due to stress, tiredness, lack of time, etc. (excuses are a dime a dozen) I have found myself back where I started, actually, one extra pound for the extra twist of the knife I suppose.
For years, I have struggled with my weight. I’ve done a number of diets, workout routines, motivational tactics to lose it. End of high school/beginning of college was the first time I was at a weight I felt satisfied with and was able to maintain it for a few years. Then, once I came back home due to family crisis and left school, the pounds kept increasing, and I felt (still feel) that I was drowning, drowning in what seemed to be physical proof that I was a failure, that somehow I was fundamentally unable to be who I felt I should be.
Once again, I find myself facing that problem, where my own personal quirks and vices combined with life’s relentless fondness for never going as planned has created a situation where sliding backwards was not only easy, but seemingly impossible to avoid.
But very few things are truly impossible, and just because I have fallen, doesn’t mean I can’t get up right?
I’m a perfectionist, and as such, my first response to a letdown is to seek out and destroy whatever it is in me that is broken, inherently wrong within me. And if I was unable to, despair inevitably would follow.
But now, given that I have some more life experience, nothing exponential, but enough to see that perfection is a goal that will only lead to insanity, I am slowly starting my setbacks as not setbacks at all. More like, opportunities. Opportunities to learn more about what really makes me tick and what it was about what I was doing that caused me lapse, to go off course, to resist the change.
I haven’t fully ascertained the best ways to overcome a setback, but I guess its about time I start learning.
Miss the days when an ice cream cone soothed any disappointment.
In the meantime, I think I’ll focus on this mantra: